I just got back from the worst sport spectating experience of my entire life. Not only did the Phillies lose 5-3 to the god damn Florida Marlins, but the fans there didn't even give a shit. I have never left a stadium so infuriated. Everyone there was extremely ignorant. I guess I should have realized that the only reason people were there was to get drunk. Combine that with the fact that it was a family holiday, and the Phillies had truly found the most annoying fan combination ever conceived. So as I moped on the car ride home, I thought about a few MLB and fan conduct rules that I would set if I were commissioner:
· All Holiday games are henceforth banned; including Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Patriot’s Day (a made-up Massachusetts holiday), Mother’s and Father’s Day. The fans suck at these games. Both the players and the real fans should not be subject to their ignorance. So many people who come use the game as an excuse to get really, unnecessarily trashed. While I am not opposed to drunk REAL fans (they are often quite funny), there are so many loud, obnoxious people who have no idea what they are talking about or how to behave at a baseball game. Now I know everyone is thinking I’m being intolerant of people who don’t know the game, and that’s because I am. If you don’t know shit, shut the fuck up and stop trying to get to your seat in the middle of an at-bat.
· The Wave is prohibited at any time when the home team is losing, and in any 2-run game after the 6th. I despise the wave, but I will allow it because it is a fan-favorite. However, at tonight’s Phillies game, the fans were cheering wildly as the riptide rushed through CBP. Yet, it was the bottom of the 8th and the Phillies were down two runs. Why everyone could so easily look past the game to celebrate the fucking wave is beyond me.
· Smiling is illegal if your team is losing after the 7th. You should not be happy while your team is losing. Don’t like it? Don’t come.
· Any physical contact with a significant other, beyond a kiss on the cheek, is highly reprehensible. No one wants to see you slam your girlfriend in the bleachers, but so many people still break this rule. This is not in effect if you are on the big screen during the Kiss-Cam.
· Pay attention to the game. You paid for those seats. Why would you even come if you’re not even going to watch? Plus, you’re probably distracting other fans who just want to watch the game rather than see you make a fool of yourself.
So when I am commissioner, watch out Drunkies.
· All Holiday games are henceforth banned; including Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Patriot’s Day (a made-up Massachusetts holiday), Mother’s and Father’s Day. The fans suck at these games. Both the players and the real fans should not be subject to their ignorance. So many people who come use the game as an excuse to get really, unnecessarily trashed. While I am not opposed to drunk REAL fans (they are often quite funny), there are so many loud, obnoxious people who have no idea what they are talking about or how to behave at a baseball game. Now I know everyone is thinking I’m being intolerant of people who don’t know the game, and that’s because I am. If you don’t know shit, shut the fuck up and stop trying to get to your seat in the middle of an at-bat.
· The Wave is prohibited at any time when the home team is losing, and in any 2-run game after the 6th. I despise the wave, but I will allow it because it is a fan-favorite. However, at tonight’s Phillies game, the fans were cheering wildly as the riptide rushed through CBP. Yet, it was the bottom of the 8th and the Phillies were down two runs. Why everyone could so easily look past the game to celebrate the fucking wave is beyond me.
· Smiling is illegal if your team is losing after the 7th. You should not be happy while your team is losing. Don’t like it? Don’t come.
· Any physical contact with a significant other, beyond a kiss on the cheek, is highly reprehensible. No one wants to see you slam your girlfriend in the bleachers, but so many people still break this rule. This is not in effect if you are on the big screen during the Kiss-Cam.
· Pay attention to the game. You paid for those seats. Why would you even come if you’re not even going to watch? Plus, you’re probably distracting other fans who just want to watch the game rather than see you make a fool of yourself.
So when I am commissioner, watch out Drunkies.
Phantoms games are the worst (correction WERE, now that they are playing in NY) bunch of dumb fuck parents trying to have something babysit their fucking kids, who are often unning around and shit, and then you have the stupid cunt mother... imagine a breakaway and you have a great veiw, then some twat decides, well this seems like a good time to stand infront of you and take a picture of my kid who is in no way interested in whats going on... oh wait they scored? too bad the spectrum doesn't have replays... no you just fucking missed it because of some bitch. I haven't had a problem with this at Giant Center in Hershey, or at Wachovia Arena in WB/S... just at the Spectrum... but i've noticed at baseball games, no one pays attention... at phillies games, at shea, old yankee stadium, pnc park... only decent fan base i've seen at a ball game was in Cincinnati at Cinergy the mojority of them actually gave a fuck what was happening. So i know what your talking about and it fucking blows, people at Flyers games are like that... don't even pay attention... yeah douchebag, i actually want to watch the game but your taking up a fucking seat to not watch the game... heres an idea... stay home turn the game on tv, and not pay attention, and when you hear something happen, then react and pretend you saw it! then you don't take up a ticket someone who actually wants to see the game wants... cocksuckers
ReplyDeleteJames, lets lessen the profanities here. Its a family blog, although The Natural likes to get a bit rowdy at times.
ReplyDelete